Sorry

I am terrified to find out the truth, but this trigger wasnt too long to let it go, then, I realise it wasnt anyone’s fault. Not his, neither it’s mine. It was just another living to one expectations. This could not have felt any better to finally let this grudge down and allowing someone else in.  I admit I was thrown off the edge, but it was soon for the better. I never meant to make you felt at such for what I am and what I have. I never once, want to be someone right above you in comparison of education and career. Never. If for what ever reason I have put you to feeling at such, you have my deepest apologise. I would definately understand how you felt, as I felt the same thing upon waiting for some miracle to happen for the past 4 years, it never happen cos I felt what you felt. Sorry.

As I recalled, it took me just three days to get over with what was tearing me down. That was a matter of time of this ending. Yes, it was hard getting up in the morning. I told mom, I felt horrible, I was tearing badly. I drag both cold feet to the bath room, still tearing as I was brushing my teeth. Showerd with tears, but, the best thing of all, I was still able to put on my uniform and head on for work. I took the bus, alighted at the bus stop, walk in to the place where I have known these people. Once again, its all flash of memories. I was able to recalled, those who have cheered me on and told me that wasnt the end of anything. Anything more than that, I agreed. I was rather amazed how did I walked out that front gate and walk as if it was any ordinary day. Even every single steps taken, I knew I have something missing and that very little part I will never have it again. Saying so, I still carried out working and joke as if nothing happened. Soon, it was the third day. I finally felt as if nothing really have happened. I was soon able to walk freely, barely any of those abondened feelings. Till date, as much I would still count down the days, I have realized that this may not be the wrost one, I had been through what was worst compared. This is when the picture sets into a clearer settings, I was never really into this at all. We were just compromising. Some people fight for love, some people hide from love. Some people die for love. Glad I kept it a one way. For this, I was able to see a clearer picture of what I really want and what am I looking into. Is not what it should be, but is how these measures are taking me to. I am fighting for this position, by now you know that, I am taking every baby steps to fight for it, and I wil make it up there with a matter of time. I maybe blind folded, but now Im seeing. I never regret the decision to have let you in, for you who let me see the truth this world sets to.

18 sep, cool

As I had a cup of coffee alone in the cafe, it just striked my mind how weak could someone be. In hold to positions and looks. One may potrait a frame of elegancy but yet frailed in the inner self. While the other have the weakest palse who are actually strongest on the over all. As much as I recalled with those boys I have met, and none will be in the list of respects. For the woman among my friends, materialistic is what I name in them. He could say, I will get you the nicest diamond and wedding dress, but words could only be words till you hears the wedding bells. She who says: ” Only asian girls do chores and waits on her husband to return home.” Once again, words will only be words till he sees her in her kitchen apron each time he gets home. Whats more for people who often claims they have a soft spot for people with special needs, who merely do much of it but by just doing that little bit, they have thought that they are the nicest person on earth. I hate the fact humans claims the fact thinking working with people with special needs makes you great. You seriously need some brainwash for what ever god damn reason you thinks it makes you great.  It still hunts me now and then for the things I’ve always yearn for but were never there for long, but least I knew where I stand strong for the occupation that I’m have actually gave me for more than I’ve asked for. For thier disabilities are not your opportunities, but, your Disability are thier Abilities.

Pencil Case ( Ruler)

I may not undertsand the despair of the parents, trying to put myself into thier shoes for all these years for the upbringing of thier child with special needs, the frustration, physical and mental emotions, the consistant plans for thier child’s needs till the day either one departs. I am not able to explain my stay with the expectations of what was needed from my students, but there is just that one thing, I have always wanted the best for them to learn. The terms of being in the special school doesnt proves me anything else just because they are special and only special attention is required, I do not buy in to that. I was told they are just as equal as anyone of us and I have all tumbs up for that. No child deserves to be look in a way just because they look or behaves differently like us.

Ruler: Is not about the effort puts in, but the hope I see in that I coach that is greater than any measurements.

Sped

Ever wonder, mom gets mad with us for failing a math test. Dad gets upset with us from compliants in school. Ever wonder if we were dumb that we couldt pass the simplest math test? Wonder if our friends have the best dress or games than any of us? To have meals at the best restaurants? We had it all. And don’t you ever deny of that, for I had thoughts that crosses my mind. For some reasons, I aint able to get those answers, and now I decided to stop questioning. For I am happy with what I have (smile), is a little secret, not one, but…. those are the little inperfect that makes me perfect in some ways. Thank you for the chance.

FOR EVERY CHILD IS SPECIAL…

The memories I had is not measured by the number of breaths I took,

but

by the moments that took my breath away

I think I could understand,  I will listen to her cos’ I know how it hurts. You dont listen to her cos you dont care how it hurts, until you loose the one you wanted cos you taken her for granted and everything you have, just got destroyed. You got to do what ever you wanted and never get confronted. Putting yourself first was always a priority thinking you have her to wait on you as if you have her owned. Turn off your phone and let everyont knows you are sleeping alone at home.

Say you are sorry as the face of that angle comes out when you needed too, i paste back and forth cos I honestly believe in you, holding on as days passed on, stupid girl. I should have known.

It has taken a toll on me but somehow its gonna be like my rear view mirror, to be disappearing as I drive on.

Sometimes is not about the time spend or duration of how long it had established, but is about how we compromises with each other’s faults, have you ever thought about what was taken in and accepting for who the other party were? You may give your extent, but did you succeed? Have you thought of what was done to sacrifice to salvage when things turn sour? Or did you just chose to run away? I never knew, and I not interested to know either.

I watied for morning to come, to see if the sun still rises like the way you are by my side, and it did. Over the night, it just took away music that never play and the plans we made and most of all, it has also taken the future that was never known.

Perhaps you never knew which path to walk on, or the right formative way to work on, take a slow walk alone by an avenue we walk on before and plans you had always wanted to make, drop down the past and be true.

To be exact, I had wasted 730 days for a god damn miracle to happen, but somehow… like I said… I’VE WASTED 730 DAYS! Anyway, I have more reasons to concentrate next…

FI

Horse Riding ( pony?) HAHA…

International sports school… Lets see…

Somehow this is very wrong, but I am trying to get this right. Pardon me if I had mislead in anyways, but Im still learning.

I guess this had made a clear understanding of what I see and status wise has made it even clearer, I will take a step back and not intefere.

This isnt just returning to where it come from, in matter of fact am just throwing it away for it was never meant to be placed in the first place,it was all verbs anway. Words are only words, speak for the sake of speaking. Lets sum it up, its just another player in name. God’s watching anway…

who knows the effort and sacrifices, how about living on a dollar gold coin to make my way and spend on the only amount left to make sure if things was going alright, what do you all know? You know nothing about it dude…

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